Monday, June 11, 2007
“Self-esteem poses a dilemma for the Christian.” So says Joanna and Alister McGrath in their book, The Dilemma of Self-Esteem: The Cross and Christian Confidence. As I pick up this book and read this first sentence of the Preface, I immediately lay it down and ponder on the corollary that is so close to my heart: “Self-esteem issues pose a dilemma for the minister.” I would suspect that for most ministers this is the sinister work of the devil, like termites quietly, efficiently and effectively eating away at the foundation of our identity. Too often these self-esteem issues define our ministry.
I remember reading years ago an alternative view that helped me at least address this dilemma in a healthy way. The Christian counselor and psychologist, Gary Collins, called it “Christ-esteem.” Our sense of personal value, our self-worth, who we are and our true identity is not based on self. Rather, it is the love of God demonstrated through the loving sacrifice of Jesus that determines our self-esteem and worth. Just by looking at the subtitle of McGraths’ book, I have a hunch this is where they are headed.
What is the dilemma that we ministers face with self-esteem? We want to be perceived as individuals who have it all together, with our personal savvy and swagger proving to others that we are worth something. The ongoing jokes about ministers that we constantly hear do not help with the perennial problem. We often bend over backwards to prove to our churches and church leaders that we are worth our salt and that the money the church is paying us to perform ministry is not wasted money.
Criticism, negative yearly evaluations, leadership opposition, personality conflicts, philosophical differences, theological differences—all of these realities create the cauldron of self-esteem soup that tastes bitter to the soul and nauseating to the spirit. And the church wants us to take it on the chin, just grin and bear it. We cannot voice our displeasures, our hurts, our pain and our own personal disillusionment. We are paid to be nice and put on a smiling face.
I am eagerly anticipating in the next week or so reading and digesting this book. As I begin, and will share with you insights gathered and garnered from reading it, allow me to pose this question to get conversation started:
“How do self-esteem issues pose a dilemma for you in the context and practice of your ministry?”
4 comments:
Curtis,
I had a wise professor at Wesley Seminary tell me that Pastors ALWAYS get more praise and criticism than they deserve. I remember this everytime someone compliments me on my lessons.
Darren
As an 'ego maniac with an inferiority complex' this is a constant concern. I have learned that I must put it all on Jesus. If things go well, praise God, I am guarded from arrogance. If things go bad, dear God, I am guarded from distress & defeat.
With that said, I am currently going through a very difficult time with these very things. Once returning from the retreat I found a small group mounting an overthrow. They are disgruntled over a the decision to sell our building and move into town. So - of course, it is my head, teaching, and on we could go. Please pray.
I have to remind myself that my well-being is found in God. My value is found with God. My life is wrapped up with God.
I believe self-esteem is over rated because, as I see it, it involves me trying to inflate my value. I so much love - God-esteem. I can't even imagine how valuable that makes me. He did give me a clue: the life of His Son.
Grasping that causes honor and humility at the same time. It also helps me to remember the value of those very dear ones attacking me at this time.
g
"Never base your identity on something you can lose." That's where my self-esteem issues have run aground. We preachers tend to build our identities based on the size of our church, the amount of money in the baskets, the applause we receive, and the recognition we get from "important" people. All of these are things you can lose, and when you do, your self-esteem goes with them.
Here's what cannot be taken from me: "I am a child of God, a joy and delight to my Father, the apple of His eye." It's hard to hold onto that without polluting it with "self-esteem-based-on-performance" issues. We imagine that if four families leave the church because they're "not being fed," then God must not be quite as delighted with us as he was before.
Our church has been through some very difficult and trying times in the past couple of years. During that time, I've been forced to examine and abandon the false foundations upon which I've built my self-esteem. Good discipline. Painful, but good.
I think self-esteem is important. We certainly are not to hate ourselves for Jesus says we are to love our neighbor "as ourselves." Paul tells the Christians at Philippi to "...not only consider our own interests but also the interests of others."
There, of course, must be a balance in all this.
Darren
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